BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!

Hart Johnson at Confessions of a Watery Tart

DISCLAIMER!

I, Amanda M. Milner, have never been and hopefully will not soon be DEAD.

This is merely a blogfest people.

If it seems a touch morbid, that's because it is.

We're all a little twisted around here.

On to the delusional doom.

http://www.hitfix.com/galleries/2009-5-1-tv-shows-on-the-bubble/?comment_id=2090&page=10

I would be ok if HE was my Reaper! ;)

To: Mom, Dad, siblings, friends, grandparents and the additional masses that are my family,

If you're reading this then I am probably dead. No mom and dad, this is NOT a suicide letter.

I WISH this was under my control.

It started a week ago with a headache. Actually, a headache seems too tame of a word for what I've been having. It was more like a brain bomb. BAM! Out of no where. The first time I screamed out in pain and fell into a bush on the way to school. Unfortunately a school bus of little ninth grade twits went by at the same moment and they seemed to get a kick out of my agony. Sorry, I'm getting a little off track.

But I swear I'm gonna haunt those jerks!  

Anyway, a bright light flashed in front of my eyes and then the pain was gone. It freaked me out and the rest of the day I flinched at the slightest twinge of pain but it didn't come back.

Until the next morning.

Same thing, BAM, headache, flash of light. But this time I saw something in the light. A shadow of a figure. It lasted a little longer then vanished without a trace of pain for the rest of that day.

But the next day...same time, same horrific pain, flashing light and the figure. This time I saw the figure moving, everything was blurry, like when I just wake up and my eyes refuse to focus. I felt this intense anxiety because even though I wanted the pain to stop I also knew I needed more time to figure out who this figure was. I KNEW I needed to find out soon.

The next morning I got my wish for longer and I WANTED. TO. DIE. I apologize because I am sure the neighbors think your daughter is bat shit crazy mom and dad. The figure moved about like a uber old black and white reel movie. The light flashed over and over, each time showing a little more. The person was outside, by a street, haunched over and stumbling.

Day five. Thank God for Saturday. I knew where the figure, the person, was. It was the same street I was having these visions. The person was stumbling, hands over his or her ears, falling into the street as a car stops inches from him or her. Then he/she jumps up and walks Right. In. Front. Of. A. Bus. Not just any bus, THE bus. I watched the bus slam into this person and send him/her flying.

Day six. And I thought the other head bombs hurt. I can't be sure but I think I screamed 'stop'

the whole time. It wasn't a flashing light. It was clear. Sound and all. Like watching the most intensely painful movie EVER. I knew instantly as I watched this 'person' walking cautiously down my sidewalk who SHE was. I recognized everything. The sights, sound and even smells. It was like I was there walking behind her. When she grabbed her head and screamed a chill went down my spine and flinched like I felt her pain on top of what I was feeling then. I tried to yell for her to Watch out! as she stumbled into the street and the car screeched and honked. But no sound came out. I tried to run to her when I heard the bus and a kid yell "freak" out of his window. But my feet wouldn't move. I wanted to close my eyes. But they wouldn't close. Right before the bus hit a light flashed and I was in front of her. And I watched as MY face reacted to the bus barreling down on ME. As MY body flew through the air and came crashing down in a crumpled, lifeless heap.

It was ME.

And tomorrow is Monday. I've always hated Mondays.

So I wanted to tell you what happened and say that I love you all and I'm sorry.

Oh, and please don't forget about Freckles my hamster. He eats twice a day and likes the occasional Cheetos.

love,

Amanda

UPDATE!

OMG! OMG! I am SO sorry!

I forgot I had this set up to post on Monday after school if I didn't come home.

My bad!

Yea, I just stayed home sick.

I had the headache and I understood why dead me flipped out.

It was just the scene of me getting hit over and over.

Seriously sucked.

But since I was in bed instead of stupidly walking to school...

No bus.

So....yeeeaaaa, never mind all that and if you all wouldn't mind not sending me to the loony bin I would be totally grateful.

Thanks! ☺

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! please?

Beth Revis' AWESOME contest!



Seriously, who wouldn't want this??

Ok, stop all the salivating, it's seeping in between the keys of your laptop!

Save the mother board!

Hehe.

So I have a bad case of the gimmes.

I WANT THOSE BOOKS.

I may have a slight addiction.

Amazon LOVES me.

My bookcase has a few choice words for me as it groans under the weight of my increasing stack of books.

Today I finished

The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting

&

Started book two in the Hex Hall trilogy

Demon Glass by Rachel Hawkins

Both are recommended reads though I will admit to being partial to Rachel Hawkins Hex Hall books because I adore Sophie's (the main character) humor. ☺ To say life has thrown her a few punches is putting it very lightly but she doesn't cease with the sarcastic remarks and I love that!

Violet, in The Body Finde,r has been socked a few good ones as well and she takes it in stride. But her main source of humor is with Jay her best friend and love interest. Yes, he is very lovely. ;) Oh and Violet lives in the Pacific Northwest!

Yay! Pacific Northwester here!

Also, I recently read

Across the Universe by Beth Revis

Yea I know it is one of the five I can win but mine isn't signed. :(

Let me just say if this book was a movie I would have been on the edge of my seat the whole time.

I probably would have fallen on my duff a few times too!

When it ended I would have thrown my popcorn and cried.

Instead I flipped the last page over a few times hoping each time words would magically appear on the flip side.

They didn't.

I pouted.

So I stalked tweeted Beth Revis hoping beyond hope there was a book two in the works.

There is!

Hooray!

Hurry Beth, hurry.

Ok, back to Sophie and her awesome snarky remarks.

Goodnight everyone.

P.S. Feed my addiction people, what are your favorite reads. What books have you purchased recently? Is your TBR pile growing faster than you can read too??

I'm a liar and people still reward me. PART TWO

So Monday I revealed my lie

and

I planned on doing a combo post for the blogger awards

but

as always I ran long

so

I cut my post, er, short.

Here is

Part Two:

THE AWARDS

I have absolutely no idea what this is implying but I like it!
I'm giving it a thumbs up like retro dude up there.
Heehee.

Susan Fields gifted me this lovely award. I think you should totally visit Susan Fields' blog and commend her on her awesome deductive skills because she was the ONLY ONE to guess MY LIE!

Check here if you haven't read my post

where I hid a lie

and see why this impresses me.

I'm not trying to BLOVIATE (heehee) or anything but I thought my lie was quite well hidden!

I was going to wait for the ok from Susan but the new vitamins I took today have made me restless and impatient, in a totally good way. Lol! Heck, I am raring to go, I'm rarely raring anything.

By the power I bestowed upon myself,

I now dub,

Susan Fields,

SUPER SLEUTH



http://home.comcast.net/~ssulima/sulimas_sleuths.htm



This may or may not be an actual photo of Susan.

So I think how this goes is I gift this to other deserving bloggers.

HELLA COOL BLOGGERS WHO GAVE ME AN AWARD 'CAUSE THEIR AWESOME

Vicki Tremper at VB Tremper A Writer's Site

Alison Miller at Left Brained by Day; Write Brained-All the Time 

Alison was on Susan's list for this award as well, so obviously she is double special.

Mask at The Blogger Formerly Know As

Heather Hellman at Pen, Paper, Lots of Coffee

Cleveland Dietz at Everything in a Second

Laura Moss at laurajmoss.com

PEOPLE WHO AMUSE ME WITH THEIR AWESOME

Patricia Timms at Simplicity in Volumes

Kim Mullican at Altruism in Writing

Faith at Literary Coldcuts on Toasty Buns

GORGEOUS AND  MADE OF AWESOMESAUCE

Rachael Harrie at Rach Writes

Tessa Quinn at The Quest for a Literary Agent

Marieke at Marieke's Musings

Luna at Project Fraeya

I just have to say there are SO MANY really cool bloggers out there who I'd love to bestow awards upon but, I'm freakin' tired and my right eye is starting to twitch, so wrap this up I must.

(ahem, Yoda reference)

7 Things about AMANDA

You guys are just gluttons for punishment aren't you? ;)

1. I am half Mexican and can barely count to ten in Spanish. I took French in high school instead of trying to learn my "native tongue".
2. I took two years of French in high school and can't even count to ten in French. (Foreign Languages might not be my strong suit.)
3. I have my nose pierced. The jewel fell out of the cheapy ring ages ago and I haven't changed it because this is the 5th time it's happened & it hurts like a son-of-a-b**ch to take it out. Lol! I think I heal really fast!
4. I've had stitches four times. I have the cool scars to show for it. One under my right eyebrow from when my babysitter tried dragging me around the house on a blanket and I fell off into the corner of the wall. One on my right knee when I decided to ride my bike with my coat tied around my waist and the sleeve caught in the spoke and I TOTALLY flipped over the handle bars & took the flesh off my knee cap nearly to the bone. It was super funky looking! Then two on my right shin when I was making a tree house with my sis and friend, we used an upside down aquarium for a stair, do you see where this is going? I stepped on our "stair" and my leg went straight through. We tried to doctor me up ourselves with toilet paper and Vaseline. My poop mother walked in on a very disturbing scene. Man, the right side has taken some serious abuse!
5. I have a tattoo on my left shoulder blade. It's in Hebrew, it says "Eternal Grace for the Immortal Soul" and I will never ask someone who speaks Hebrew if I translated it right because I really do NOT want to know if I didn't. Tattoos are kinda permanent. Sorry, it's red and sore looking because it was red and sore. ;) I had just got it done when the pic was taken.

    6.   I suffer from a bizarre condition called sleep paralysis. When people fall into REM sleep a chemical is released to paralyze them so they don't act out their dreams. Sleep walkers do not always produce this chemical. What happens to people who suffer from sleep paralysis is during this cycle their mind wakes up but they are completely unable to move. Not only that but when in REM sleep your breathing and heart rate is slowed so when you start to panic it feels like you're suffocating. This is on top of the ridiculously vivid hallucinations. This happens to me a lot but the hallucinations fool me almost every time. Hmm, maybe I should make regular blog posts about my freaky and funny (AFTER THE FACT) episodes. ;)

    7.    I've always heard voices. Ever since childhood. At first I figured my stuffed animals were talking to me. We had lovely conversations. Then of course it was ghosts. I heard children calling out for me from outside my window at night. My parents seemed very uncomfortable about these revelations. My childhood friend said it was her coming to visit when she had out-of-body-experiences. (We all be crazy in these here parts!) Then we (mother and I) started to wonder if I just might be picking up radio frequencies. Lol! Finally I went in for a CAT Scan but it was "normal". 0.o Though the doc thought I was far from normal. I was fine with the voices, I was never bored. I've always loved writing but it took until adulthood to realize the voices were simply characters that wanted their story told!

Now that I've TMI'd you guys to death

please don't come after me with

a giant butterfly net!

http://www.cartoonstock.com/directory/m/men_in_white_coats.asp

I'm a liar and people still reward me.

This will be a Two Part Post.

Yay!

Part One:

THE LIE



http://www.mygtv.net/?m=20090216



So, first I need to reveal a little something about myself I didn't reveal in my previous post.

Logic has never come naturally to me.

This was especially true in my childhood years. Every event was just another crazy adventure in:

~Amanda Land.~ 

I'm sure this is probably true for most writers. But I thought this would help explain my post. By all accounts my last post was completely true except for one lie. If some things seemed far fetched to you, remember it was my teenage interpretation. Yes, I had a WILD imagination.



http://jbtatro.com/Recommendations.php



SERIOUSLY

• QUIRK: Yep, I talk to animals. Present tense. I also talk to inanimate objects. Sadly, objects and animals don't always talk back. I guess they have a tendency to be shy. Before high school I would swear to you they DID talk back. Though...lots of things talked to me. But that's a whole other post-
• I was a member of the FFA. And I did just join for the animal aspect but I enjoyed it thoroughly even if I was the only "tree-hugging", "*salad-shooting" member surrounded by red-meat eating farm boys! ;)
• ANNOYING HABIT: (according to my parents collecting animals is a less than redeeming quality) Yes, I had two roosters-named Bonnie & Clyde- though I swore one was a girl until she started crowing. I had a goat named El Gigante that we lived in fear of. (Big horns) I had a lamb named Cheecotah who was very forgiving when I was learning the fine art of shearing. And yes, I actually did have a duck but sadly, his time with me was so temporary due to a friend's terrible wolf dog, that I don't remember his name. Dogs, cats and rats don't even complete the list! Guinea Pigs, MICE (wow, did you know they breed like friggin rabbits?!?!), a sparrow, gerbil, hamsters, fish...and the infamous rabbit. LIE: But I have NEVER OWNED A COW.
• Since the majority of my animals were brought into the family on the sly or rescued from a terrible fate, I was met with the stink eye when I said I wanted a rabbit to show at the fair. This was the reasoning behind the goat and lamb. And of course it was educational since it was through school...but unlike the other FFA students when showing farm animals, when I was approached by a potential buyer for my critters I replied with, "Step away from the GOAT." My parents knew the animals were for keeps.
• SECRET: I caught a "wild" rabbit. These rabbits were at a public park where they were fed by humans and this particular rabbit was very much with child. So she was pretty slow. There was a sign at the entrance of the park that I chose to ignore, something along the lines of: Please Do NOT take rabbits off premises. 
• Maybe it was the combined trauma of being captured and having a thunder storm the same night that caused her to go into labor and scatter miniature rabbits all over the bunny enclosure. And mama bunnies have this weird quirk where they feel like eating their babies will protect them from outside dangers. Mama bunny: "Quick my darlings! Back into my tummy before the lightening strikes you all DEAD!" Of course when my young, teenage mind beheld this scene these factors did NOT fit into my logic. No, my logic went more like this: BLOOD! STORM! Obviously this can not be an ordinary bunny! Obviously this is a psychotic, homicidal, cannibalistic, MONSTER BUNNY! (I won't torment us any more with scary, scary bunny pictures. You're welcome.) I think this is one of my BEST CHARACTER TRAITS, my lack of normal logic, because who wants to be normal?? But my family would probably rather see it fit into ANNOYING HABIT CATEGORY.
• So I will put this into my BEST CHARACTER TRAIT: Yes the rabbit bit me. And even though I knew being bit by this MONSTER RABBIT on a STORMY NIGHT could NOT end well for me. I also knew I couldn't let those little guys meet the same fate as their siblings. All moms are gifted with this character trait, I know, but my maternal instinct is strong to a fault. I protect anything that can not protect itself. I even save spiders. I always root for the underdog. And I save all the small mammals who fall victim to big mammals even when I know it is hopeless and even though I know I will spend the next day or two stressing over how to keep it alive and get attached and then cry when it inevitably dies. Damn my freaky strong maternal instincts!!
•  Finally, come on, who doesn't love a big mug of hot vegetable stew with soy nuggets on a crisp fall evening??? It is one of my FAVORITE THINGS!

Part Two:

Ok, since I made Part One freakishly long and the likeliness that anyone is still reading this is slime how about we leave Part Two for tomorrow night?

Sound good?

I thought so.

☺

*"salad shooter" was a lovely nickname given to me by those red-meat-eating-farm-boys because I was a vegetarian. Which to them meant eating only salad, grass and the bark off trees. Which meant, ahem, diarrhea. Get it? Salad Shooter. Told you it was a lovely nickname. I'm so lucky.

1st Crusader's Challenge

Rachael Harrie at Rach Writes has given us Crusaders a challenge. In 300 words or less, we must tell:
“• one secret
• one lie
• one interesting quirk
• one annoying habit
• one of your best character traits, and
• one of your favourite things in the whole world.
The post can be in any format, including poetry (for those poets among us), but must include the random words, “bloviate,” “fuliguline,” “rabbit,” and “blade” (tee hee).”

Obviously this is how Rach gets her sick kicks! Lol!

The Night of the Were Rabbit
Duhn, duhn duuuh

I really hate to bloviate but I, Amanda M. Milner, talk to animals. In high school I was a member of the FFA -Future Farmers of America-though I just joined for the animals. I never did any farming. I had two roosters, a goat, a lamb, a cow, a fuliguline and of course dogs, cats and rats.
My best friend had a rabbit-a fancy, flop eared kind. She entered it into the county fair & desperately wanted me to show a rabbit with her. Oddly, my parents weren’t down with me getting a rabbit.
No problem. I talk to animals. I could get one of the wild ones down by the dam. So by the dim light of the setting September sun we snuck onto the grounds and within minutes I had me a plump brown rabbit. The same night a thunder storm shook our house & I heard strange noises coming from the bunny enclosure. What I saw in the flash of lightening disturbed me greatly. Blood glistened on the bunny’s white whiskers. And around the cage were small fluffy balls, miniature rabbits.
My heart raced.
Food & water after midnight.
Bright light…Oh My Gawd! The lightening!
It’s a Were Rabbit!!
Maternal instinct kicked in, I couldn’t leave the surviving little guys in there with that thing. They looked too much like babies. I took a deep breath & opened the cage door. I grabbed the 1st one without a problem. But when I went for the next one crimson teeth flashed and sliced into my arm like a blade. Talking to her didn’t help. She wasn’t an animal, she was a monster. And she had just infected me. Now, when the harvest moon rises, an urge so powerful overwhelms me.
Carrots, potatoes, radishes.
I hunger for them.
Preferably in stew form.
So, if in the orange glow of the Harvest Moon you hear the death cries of root vegetables, you might suspect a Were Rabbit is near.
Or it might be me.
~So, one of these fun facts is actually a lie. Can you guess which one it is? I bet you're wrong. ;)

*Super Creepy Bunny

Crusaders & Bloggers

I swear I haven't forgotten about you! My poor 6 year old had dental surgery this morning and we just got home. He is feeling pretty miserable so I probably won't get around to visiting and following until later this evening.

On a lighter note I did get to witness my youngest high as a kite. It was equal parts disturbing and hilarious! He had a lot of fun until they had to take him back. Apparently attempting to stand and falling on the pillows I spread around the holding room is endless amusement when your six and stoned.
My baby: "It's soooo weeeiiiirrd." *giggles*
Me: 0.0 "Wow, I just flashed forward to your teen years! I don't think I'm going to like it."
By the time the hygienist came to get him we were both giggling uncontrollably. She probably thought I bummed some of the good stuff off my kid! Lol!
☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺ ☺
I'll start doing the rounds again tonight!

Bernard Pivot Blogfest

So I discovered this fun little contest while I was visiting my fellow Crusaders. See how easily distracted I am? I have well over 100 blogs to follow and here I am adding to my list! Heehee. Anyway, Nicole over at
One Significant Moment at A Time is putting on a getting to each other better contest to celebrate hitting the 500 follower mark. (wow!) All we need to do is answer this questionnaire made famous by Inside the Actors Studio.

1.What is your favorite word? Awesome. I may use it too much.
2.What is your least favorite word? Gah, I have a few and I find it difficult to even type them:P Ok...moist and titty and the "F" word.
3.What turns you on creatively, spiritually or emotionally? Music and the beauty that surrounds us.
4.What turns you off? Screaming children.
5.What is your favorite curse word? Hmm, Fish Paste! Courtesy of Sponge Bob. No, 'shit!' slips out quite often.
6.What sound or noise do you love? Laughter
7.What sound or noise do you hate? Fork vs Plate *shudders*
8.What profession other than your own would you like to attempt? Super Hero or a Surgeon (I know, same thing)
9.What profession would you not like to do?Telemarketer
10.If Heaven exists, what would you like to hear God say when you arrive at the Pearly Gates? It does and 'Welcome Home'

Wee! That was fun!