THE ALMOST TRUE ACCOUNT OF HOW I HURT MY FOOT

Round three of trying to post this. Anyone else having Blogger issues right now?

Gah!

Ok, so I need to first apologize for being absent in the Blogshpere lately. Spring has been more than chaotic and my online presence has suffered greatly. But things are beginning to slow down so I'm hoping to get around to visiting your blogs soon. ☺

 It seems like Mother nature has been unleashing some serious wrath this spring. More currently the outbreak of tornadoes that have been wreaking havoc on the citizens of the southeast. The heart wrenching stories we hear from the victims and the stories unfolding as I type will continue as the forces of nature relentlessly terrorize. This morning my husband left for a month for Alabama where he'll be aiding the victims in Tuscaloosa.
 I need a distraction. And I'm sure many of you do as well. SO, I wanted to try and make you smile today. (Well besides that little tidbit of doom.) I know that this is a great community of Bloggers and already many of you are using your blogging skills to help the tornado victims. You guys are all amazing, you proved that during Write Hope. ☺

Last Friday I had a little incident and I've been gimping about ever since. There's been a few speculations as to what happened...all lies. Lies I tell ya!

I'm here to set the record straight. ;)

Now I'm sure my husband, Bobby, will try to weave a web of lies and make you believe I wrecked a little 1978 trail bike and that's how I hurt myself. But that'd be false. In all actuality it was a

RSV4 SUPERBIKE!!!

VROOM BABY!

I'm not usually one to brag but...I'm a freaking natural! This was my FIRST time ever on a vehicle that wasn't safely grounded by four wheels with a high back seat AND seat belts, safely encasing driver and passengers with metal on all sides. And I'd be amiss to say I wasn't at first intimidated my the pure raw power of this machine. So for awhile I teetered precariously on the bike ranging in speeds of 10mph and 2 as I got a feel for the clutch, brake and gears.

But before long I was cruising up and down my street. I was pushing break neck speeds upward of 25mph!!

I was soaring.

It was as close to flying as I was going to get. Heck, it was as close to running as I was going to get.

I felt free.

Invincible.

Maybe a little cocky.

Wanting to live up to my self proclaimed title as a bad ass I started taking the turns faster. I'd put my foot down and lean into the turn as I pulled back on the throttle (As Seen on TV) making that awesome grating sound as the bottom of my shoe slid over loose gravel signifying my coolness.

Amanda Milner: HARDCORE

I was flying back down my road. My fastest yet! ( I had to be pushing 25mph) I readied myself for another bad ass turn as I passed Bobby who was trying hard to not look impressed as he sprayed weeds in the ditch.

HIGHWAY TO HELL by AC/DC played loudly all around me, a fitting theme song for my new hard core persona.

Of course if you ask Bobby, who's a liar, he'll tell you I was singing FREE FALLING by Tom Petty. 0.o

Then it happened.

~Now I think it's been well established that you can't believe a word my husband says on this matter. Obviously he is threatened by a wife who surpasses him in awesomeness. So when he tells you I got a little too cocky and took the turn a little too fast, ignore him. He may even go as far to say I hit the throttle instead of the handbrake resulting in me sliding on my side with my foot trapped under the bike which is a LIE.

I mean that just makes me seem pathetic.~

Nope, you have to hear my more accurate account of what happened.

Because it's AWESOME.

You see, as I took the turn, flawlessly, I came face to face with a tank that'd completely blocked the road in a threatening manner. Strapped to the roof of the tank was an Armed. Nuclear. Warhead.

And guarding the nuke were guerrilla-looking terrorists with machine guns.

And ninjas.

The nuke was aimed at my peaceful little town of Wenatchee and the ninjas and machine guns were aimed at me.

There was little time to react. I looked to Bobby for guidance but he was already saving the yard from ruthless weeds.

It was up to me.

I alone had to save our town.

And the world.

I hit the throttle. Machine gun fire rained down obliterating the road before me as I dodged each lethal strike with super human precision.
Right before hitting the tank I cranked the handlebars, laying the bike on its side and sliding under the tank in an explosion of sparks and curses from the terrorists.
As I came to the other side I grabbed at the undercarriage of the tank and flung myself onto the back of the tank in a move that'd put Lara Croft to shame.

The stunned terrorists never had a chance to turn their weapons back on me before I had them disarmed. Defenseless they yelled for their ninjas to attack.

The ninjas were fast.

But I was faster.

One by one they fell. Littering the tank like crumpled candy bar wrappers.

With the last one down I checked on Bobby who was mercilessly annihilating a particularly bad weed.

My relief was only temporary.

Seconds ticked on the clock of the live nuke.

I tried to disarm it but it was locked with a 20 digit code. I lifted the panel to McGyver it but it was obviously rigged with countless trick wires. One wrong clip...

The nuked counted down.

10
9
8
NO! I couldn't lose now!!
6
Wenatchee wasn't going down like this!
4
So I kicked it.
3
I kicked the sh** out of it.
1...The nuke shut down.

I grimaced through my triumphant smile as I slid off the tank and into the arms of my awestruck husband.

And THAT is the almost true account of how I hurt my foot.

No, my foot is not normally that lumpy. Yes, I really DO need a pedicure.





So please tell me, have any of you done something particularly idiotic and wished there was a better story to tell when someone asked you "how the heck did THAT happen??"

I'd love to hear it.

☺





To the WRITE HOPE volunteers, donors & bidders who rock, I salute YOU!

Are we not adorable?! I do believe i prefer myself this way. Our very own talented artist, Luna, drew this as a thank you to all of you who participated and helped us raise a fine chunk of change for the victims of Japan's tsunami.

And what was that fine chunk of change, you may ask?

Well I'll tell ya...

From the auctions...

We raised....

$10,351 !!

Woo! Hoo!!!

But wait! There's more!

That's right, we're not finished.

I mean why stop at $10,351?? Let's go higher!

The very talented Luna will make you your very own Write Hope t-shirt and book mark!

Here's the design. Lovely, right? And you get to choose the colors of the t-shirt and design!

So what are you waiting for?

This is not an auction so you're guaranteed to win!

Also,

I want to apologize for being absent on blogger and with my fellow Crusaders.

During the auctions for Write Hope I spent all my allotted Internet time Tweeting about Write Hope and then the chaos of spring came down on me full force and I am just barely coming up for air.

I am sorry Crusaders!

Now, if your a Vampire Diaries fan and haven't seen this weeks episode, turn away now.

Possible *SPOILER* coming up!

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OMG! OMG! OMG!

PLEASE DON'T DIE DAMON!!!!

PLEEEEAAAAAASSSEEEE!!!

I swear to Klaus I will go APE SH** CRAZY and boycott V.D.!!

heehee,

V.D.

But I'm serious!

I don't even care that after your sweet, heartfelt moment with Elana, with those sad puppy dog eyes and your totally heart wrenching line, "I can't lose you." you went completely psychotic and forced your blood down her throat.

 Nope, don't care.

 I get it.

Desperate times.

Desperate measures.

♥I'm still Team Damon.♥

WRITE HOPE & iCLUE

DON'T MISS OUT ON ALL THE AWESOME GOING DOWN

AT

WRITE HOPE!!

The response, not only from the bidders but the many who came forward to donate has been moving to say the LEAST. I absolutely ADORE this community of writers and feel honored to be a part of it.

Marieke said it well in this post. I couldn't agree more.

So if by some crazy chance you haven't heard of Write Hope, you HAVE to check it out. You won't be disappointed you did. ☺

In other news.

BETH REVIS is holding another AWESOME contest!

And since I crave new, shiny, smells delish books like a crack addict craves, well...crack, I totally jumped aboard!

In her own words:

"Here's how it works:

• Starting on April 4th a new author will be featured on the iClue Site each week.
• The author will post their mystery on the site on Monday.
• On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday we will post links to The Reading Room and two book bloggers who will be posting a special clue to help you solve the mystery.
• Once you've solved the mystery you send us the correct solution using a form on the website.
• If you enter the correct solution you get one entry into the contest.
• Solve all 6 mysteries you get 6 entries to win the iTouch.

iClue launches next week (April 4th) with my mystery, featuring some of the characters from ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. Solve the mystery, get the password, and you'll get an entry to win an iPod Touch! So make sure you check back next week for this!"

2nd Challenge & Write Hope news

~First of all~

Have you visited Write Hope?

Why the heck not??

GET OVER THERE! AWESOME THINGS ARE WAITING FOR YOU!

These items are up for bid now:

• A signed copy of XVI by Julia Karr
• A 30 minute Skype chat with Meredith Barnes
• A signed copy of The Reinvention of Edison Thomas by Jacqueline Houtman
• A 20 page critique from author Rae Carson
• A pre-order of Bad Taste in Boys and 20 page critique from Carrie Harris
• A signed copy of Losing Faith by Denise Jaden
• A signed copy of If I Stay and ARC of Where She Went by Gayle Forman

Much More To Come!

~Second of all~

It's time for the Second Crusade Challenge!!

So, in 100 words or less (you're keeeeling me Rach!) we are to write a flash fiction story starting with the words, "The goldfish bowl teetered". For even more of a challenge, write it in the genre you write.

Hmmm, so here is my Paranormal flash fiction starring a goldfish!

Lol!



The goldfish bowl teetered on the edge of the counter. Light flashed inside, casting warbled light on the walls.
"Creepy carny guy gave me a radioactive fish!" I yelled, ducking. I heard a strange whine then a loud pop,  glass shards & water sprayed the kitchen. I peeked around the corner & gasped. A hot, yet very naked, guy replaced the fish. He blinked at the water dripping from his dark hair. "What the hell?" he mouthed before noticing me. He startled and grabbed the glass fruit bowl next to him, oranges bounced at my feet.
I smiled & wondered if I should tell him the bowl just magnified & distorted.
"Hi," I said instead. "I named you Ariel, I'm guessing that'll never do."



http://media.photobucket.com/image/aquaman%20smallville/cherryvamp_photos/Motivational%2520Pictures/aquaman.jpg

Whatever! HIS name could be Skidmark and I bet no one would care!

Thank you CW's Smallville for casting hot guys

and someone named cherryvamp over at Photobucket for the pic!

WRITE HOPE

Today when I think of Japan the image that comes to mind is not of its majestic snow capped mountains, luscious vegetation, sprawling metropolis or sweeping coastline.

Not even cherry blossoms come instantly to mind.

What I see when I think of Japan are images that would put the movie 2012 to shame.

Because that is what the citizens of Japan are living in right now.

Devastation of apocalyptic proportions.

• 8.9 magnitude quake
• 5th largest quake recorded
• 2,414 confirmed dead
• 10,000 estimated death toll
• 2 people found alive in rubble
• 5 million with out power
• 76,000 buildings destroyed
• 9.8 inches the Earth was thrown off axis
• 7.8 feet Japan was shifted

As I watched the events unfold in awe struck horror a growing pain of sympathy and helplessness over came me. I was overwhelmed. This was impossible! How can they ever come back? It keeps getting worse!

The tidbits of hope the news gave was hardly enough to sustain me when in the next breath more bad news flooded in like the tide that washed a thousand bodies on shore.



Then the obviously more brilliant ladies of my critique group came up with a plan while I walked around in a stupor. They created WRITE HOPE.

"Welcome to Write Hope! We're an international group of Kidlit writers with a connection to Japan. Some of us have lived there. Some of us speak the language. Some of us love the culture. Some of us simply think Japan is exotic and mysterious.

The land of the rising sun and cherry blossoms in spring.

These last few days one thing that binds us above all is our mutual horror at the disasters striking Japan - from earthquakes to tsunamis to nuclear meltdowns.

...

We want to do our bit to help. To that end we have formed Write Hope. We're busy preparing everything now and over the next few weeks we plan to auction kidlit books, critiques, and other prizes for donation to the relief fund of our chosen charity Save the Children. "

Genius, right? Donations have already been coming in and it looks like the wonderful community of kidlit writers are wanting to do their part in helping. You guys are all so cool!

Please check out the beautiful website!
 

This is Nozomi, she is Write Hope's Mascot.

BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!!

Hart Johnson at Confessions of a Watery Tart

DISCLAIMER!

I, Amanda M. Milner, have never been and hopefully will not soon be DEAD.

This is merely a blogfest people.

If it seems a touch morbid, that's because it is.

We're all a little twisted around here.

On to the delusional doom.

http://www.hitfix.com/galleries/2009-5-1-tv-shows-on-the-bubble/?comment_id=2090&page=10

I would be ok if HE was my Reaper! ;)

To: Mom, Dad, siblings, friends, grandparents and the additional masses that are my family,

If you're reading this then I am probably dead. No mom and dad, this is NOT a suicide letter.

I WISH this was under my control.

It started a week ago with a headache. Actually, a headache seems too tame of a word for what I've been having. It was more like a brain bomb. BAM! Out of no where. The first time I screamed out in pain and fell into a bush on the way to school. Unfortunately a school bus of little ninth grade twits went by at the same moment and they seemed to get a kick out of my agony. Sorry, I'm getting a little off track.

But I swear I'm gonna haunt those jerks!  

Anyway, a bright light flashed in front of my eyes and then the pain was gone. It freaked me out and the rest of the day I flinched at the slightest twinge of pain but it didn't come back.

Until the next morning.

Same thing, BAM, headache, flash of light. But this time I saw something in the light. A shadow of a figure. It lasted a little longer then vanished without a trace of pain for the rest of that day.

But the next day...same time, same horrific pain, flashing light and the figure. This time I saw the figure moving, everything was blurry, like when I just wake up and my eyes refuse to focus. I felt this intense anxiety because even though I wanted the pain to stop I also knew I needed more time to figure out who this figure was. I KNEW I needed to find out soon.

The next morning I got my wish for longer and I WANTED. TO. DIE. I apologize because I am sure the neighbors think your daughter is bat shit crazy mom and dad. The figure moved about like a uber old black and white reel movie. The light flashed over and over, each time showing a little more. The person was outside, by a street, haunched over and stumbling.

Day five. Thank God for Saturday. I knew where the figure, the person, was. It was the same street I was having these visions. The person was stumbling, hands over his or her ears, falling into the street as a car stops inches from him or her. Then he/she jumps up and walks Right. In. Front. Of. A. Bus. Not just any bus, THE bus. I watched the bus slam into this person and send him/her flying.

Day six. And I thought the other head bombs hurt. I can't be sure but I think I screamed 'stop'

the whole time. It wasn't a flashing light. It was clear. Sound and all. Like watching the most intensely painful movie EVER. I knew instantly as I watched this 'person' walking cautiously down my sidewalk who SHE was. I recognized everything. The sights, sound and even smells. It was like I was there walking behind her. When she grabbed her head and screamed a chill went down my spine and flinched like I felt her pain on top of what I was feeling then. I tried to yell for her to Watch out! as she stumbled into the street and the car screeched and honked. But no sound came out. I tried to run to her when I heard the bus and a kid yell "freak" out of his window. But my feet wouldn't move. I wanted to close my eyes. But they wouldn't close. Right before the bus hit a light flashed and I was in front of her. And I watched as MY face reacted to the bus barreling down on ME. As MY body flew through the air and came crashing down in a crumpled, lifeless heap.

It was ME.

And tomorrow is Monday. I've always hated Mondays.

So I wanted to tell you what happened and say that I love you all and I'm sorry.

Oh, and please don't forget about Freckles my hamster. He eats twice a day and likes the occasional Cheetos.

love,

Amanda

UPDATE!

OMG! OMG! I am SO sorry!

I forgot I had this set up to post on Monday after school if I didn't come home.

My bad!

Yea, I just stayed home sick.

I had the headache and I understood why dead me flipped out.

It was just the scene of me getting hit over and over.

Seriously sucked.

But since I was in bed instead of stupidly walking to school...

No bus.

So....yeeeaaaa, never mind all that and if you all wouldn't mind not sending me to the loony bin I would be totally grateful.

Thanks! ☺

Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! please?

Beth Revis' AWESOME contest!



Seriously, who wouldn't want this??

Ok, stop all the salivating, it's seeping in between the keys of your laptop!

Save the mother board!

Hehe.

So I have a bad case of the gimmes.

I WANT THOSE BOOKS.

I may have a slight addiction.

Amazon LOVES me.

My bookcase has a few choice words for me as it groans under the weight of my increasing stack of books.

Today I finished

The Body Finder by Kimberly Derting

&

Started book two in the Hex Hall trilogy

Demon Glass by Rachel Hawkins

Both are recommended reads though I will admit to being partial to Rachel Hawkins Hex Hall books because I adore Sophie's (the main character) humor. ☺ To say life has thrown her a few punches is putting it very lightly but she doesn't cease with the sarcastic remarks and I love that!

Violet, in The Body Finde,r has been socked a few good ones as well and she takes it in stride. But her main source of humor is with Jay her best friend and love interest. Yes, he is very lovely. ;) Oh and Violet lives in the Pacific Northwest!

Yay! Pacific Northwester here!

Also, I recently read

Across the Universe by Beth Revis

Yea I know it is one of the five I can win but mine isn't signed. :(

Let me just say if this book was a movie I would have been on the edge of my seat the whole time.

I probably would have fallen on my duff a few times too!

When it ended I would have thrown my popcorn and cried.

Instead I flipped the last page over a few times hoping each time words would magically appear on the flip side.

They didn't.

I pouted.

So I stalked tweeted Beth Revis hoping beyond hope there was a book two in the works.

There is!

Hooray!

Hurry Beth, hurry.

Ok, back to Sophie and her awesome snarky remarks.

Goodnight everyone.

P.S. Feed my addiction people, what are your favorite reads. What books have you purchased recently? Is your TBR pile growing faster than you can read too??